last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
