just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
