Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
