I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
