I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
NoShamevember. You game?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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