just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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