Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
