You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
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Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
