you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
