and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
