I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Randomize
