You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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