Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
