We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
