I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
