Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize
