why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
