he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize
