bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
