screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
