Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
