you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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