Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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