and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
