I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
