some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Randomize
