Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
