I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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