the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
