does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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