I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Randomize