I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
