bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize