the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
