I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
