I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
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