if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
