So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
