no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
