This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
