and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
