is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
