alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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