ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
