True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
