The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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