I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize