Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
