Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
