he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
