i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
