Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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