I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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