The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
