she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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