I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
