i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
MIDGETS
????
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
