GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
