if you like me you must not know who I am
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
