If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
this boner is exhausting
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
