It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
