Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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