Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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