Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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