Ambien. No doubt about it.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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