connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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