You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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