So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
