just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
