Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I intend to get homeless drunk
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
