okay pat passed out under dana's car
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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