So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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