so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Randomize
