Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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