He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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