Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I wish life had little blips of pornography
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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