im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
You left your phone here
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