we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Randomize
