after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
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